And then reality sinks in

Lately I've been reading a lot of different blogs, hoping to get some ideas of how to better my own. I came across funny ones, creative ones, and then recently I came across a few sad ones. Ones about broken hearts and death. They really got me thinking about my own life and how much I really wish I could take an hour drive and be with my family. Two years, two months ago yesterday my sister was killed by a drunk driver. I'll never understand why God allowed him to walk away without a scratch but my 18 year old sister had to die. Everyday I miss her more and more. Its not fair that I got to get married, buy a house, and shes never going to experience any of this, or physically be here for any of it with me. Expressing my feelings about this has always been hard for me. I tried to not let anyone see the hurt I held inside, I couldn't bare seeing my parents in such pain and let them see my own. Eventually time went by and I still keep everything to myself. Eventually I spiraled down so fast I didn't know how anyone could ever help me. Slowly I'm learning to express my feelings, bottling everything up only lead to big breakdowns. My heart breaks every time I read about someone else going through a loss, but part of me feels like everything will be alright, that I'm not the only one trying to re-find my life. In no way am I blogging about this to have people few feel sorry for me. Its my way of letting my emotions out, and in hopes that someone will hear my story and do things to prevent accidents like this. I am so thankful to have the family, friends, and husband I do. Without them I would not be where I'm at now.