A Thousand Years

Back to linking up with Goodnight Moon.

This is for you Joe, no matter the distance, fear, and tears

I'll love you for a thousand years. 

"How can I love when I'm afraid to fall.

 But watching you stand alone all of my 

doubt suddenly goes away somehow... 

And all along I believed I would find you. 

Time has brought your heart to me.

 I have loved you for a thousand years. 

I'll love you for a thousand more."

3 Months

Has it really been three months since my last blog? 

Not that I did very well with the whole everyday or once a week blog anyways. 

I've come to realize I want to be a great blogger. I want someone out there to read what I have to say and make them smile, or better them somehow. I mean that's the whole reason I got into it. Different people would inspire me with their words and stories. Maybe someday my story will be a great one to share.  But I guess for now I'll live in the present and try to explain whats been going on in the last few months. 

November: Thanksgiving down here with my family. Totaled my car... but thanks to the lady who ran into me I got an even nicer car. And no one was hurt, thank god. 

December: Christmas with Joe's family then up to NY to visit my family. Sometimes its hard being so far away from all our family... but then I've realized I like being a few states away. It's like a vacation every time I get to go home again. And who doesn't love vacations. 

January: Had a blast on New Years. Finally explored NC and went out dancing! 

Celebrated my birthday- am I really still only 19. I know everyone says don't wish it away, but when you live near a military base and all your friends are 21+ I think I can say I would be alright skipping the next two years.

 

February 01, 2012: I'm having a common life crisis. I don't know where I'm directing my life to go. College just doesn't seem to be the thing for me. At least not when I don't even know what I want to do. Actually I do know what I want to do, but for the past three years I never really thought about it. I myself want to join the military, but after I met Joe I thought no way would he ever let that happen. But the past few weeks I've been really looking into it and have decided I can have both my family and be in the military. Sure being a dual military couple is going to be hard, extremely hard. But I know I can and will put everything into making this work. I just have to decide what my next step is. I'm treading with caution. I want Joe to be accepting and open to this. He opinions matter very much to me though, so nothing will be taken lightly. 

That really sums up in short my life as of lately. 

I'm still trying to get the hang of the whole stay at home being a wife thing. 

Its not an easy transition to go from high school girlfriend living with mom and dad to college student running the household of a husband and two dogs. But I'm getting the hang of it. 

Blah.

Have you ever wondered why life works in crazy ways? It's been a while since I've had time to sit down and just write anything. And I'm starting to see, sometimes it's necessary to have me time and to just sit down and do what I want. Have you ever had a blessing and a curse at the same time? This past weekend Joe's dad had a stroke so we made the 12 hour drive home on emergency leave. I hate saying this and feel guilty but I'm sorta glad we got to come home. His father is doing great, under the circumstances. But I'm just happy to get away from everything military for a little while and just be with family. At this moment I sit here typing this with Joe and my dad watching the Packers game. I don't want to leave in two days, I don't want to leave my home to go back to my own home. But I guess that's part of this journey we all live. We grow, we leave home, and make our own place. 

Questions To Free My Mind

As part of my 101 in 1001 I will answer the 50 Questions that will Free your Mind. I haven't looked at any of these questions yet, but I'm just going to lay it all out there and be completely honest.

"Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer."

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I would most likely be in my late 20's. Still young and experiencing new things, but mature and starting to settle down in life.
   
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying. If I failed but tried my best then I have no regrets.
   
3.  If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? I think that's part of life. It's part of learning and growing. We all have struggles, and we all have dreams. Someday we hope to achieve them, and weather we do or not, at least it's goals we set for our self to keep us going.
   
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I'm not really sure if this can ever be answered by yourself. Because when do we really know when it's finally "all said and done."
   
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? There is too much hate. I'm not saying war is the problem, what I'm getting at is when is the last time you helped a stranger for no reason at all or gave a friendly wave to someone to brighten their day.
   
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? I've yet to find that out, but I know as long as I'm with a good group of people, I can hate what I'm doing but still have fun.
   
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I've done so many things other people thought I was crazy for, so I'm defiantly doing what I believe in.
   
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
    
   
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Many things have happened in my life that I wish never did, but I couldn't change. I would like to say I have controlled at least 75% of my life.
   
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I guess it all depends on what those things are. Sometimes one out weighs the other.
    
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? In the past I wouldn't say a thing, I might even join in with them. But the past two years I've changed, found a new respect for myself and the ones I love. Now I would stand up for my friend.
    
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Never take things for granted, or think it could never happen to you. Because one day, everything can change forever.
    
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
    
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Absolutely, everyday we judge people and their actions, but if we take a moment to stop, not everything is bad there can be beauty.
     
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? This may not be so different for a lot of people, but where I grew up it was. I wasn't afraid to go after what I wanted, I got married before I graduated high school. I did what most people said was a mistake, and I don't regret it.
    
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because everyone finds their own joy in different things.
    
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What's holding you back? I really want to take a vacation, by myself. A few things hold me back... 1. money 2. time 3.maybe when i'm older
    
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Maybe a few past relationships with people that can never be repaired.
    
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Whatever one the Marines take my husband away to.
    
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I once had a job where I would be riding the elevator 20 times in one hour... and yes I did push that button many times. And no it did not make it go any faster.
     
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? A joyful simpleton.
    
22. Why are you, you? Because who else would I be.
    
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? To some yes, to others not at all.
    
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Well not too long ago I was that friend that moved away, and though it sucks, we've made plans to see each other soon. So I would much rather be miles apart and still talk than be close and never talk.
    
25. What are you most grateful for? The people I have been blessed to meet and love.
    
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I would rather never be able to make new ones. My past hasn't been perfect and the future may hold a brighter promise, but right now I could die happy. And my sister is a huge part of my old memories, and the thought of them vanishing forever tears me apart.
    
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes, just have a little faith.
    
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? I never knew my greatest fear until it happened. Losing my sister was the worst thing that has ever happened in my life, and now ever day I worry about everyone else I love.
    
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? No, there are many things I will remember that upset me, but the majority of them I don't.
    
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    This picture may not have meaning to anyone, but to me it means the world, for these reasons:
    
    This was a time when we were all happy, we got out and went for walks on my grandparents farm (which they no longer own.) We had the biggest snowball war, just my parents, sister and my favorite dog. Now my sister and the dog are up in heaven, things have gotten a littler harder and more complicated.
    
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? When I first started dating Joey. Don't get me wrong, there's still the passion, but being 16 and finding my first love was exciting.
    
32. If not now, then when? Read above^
    
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? I'll always have something to lose, as long as there is love.
    
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes, sometimes words are not necessary.
    
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? All's fair in love and war.
    
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? "There are no absolutes. No one's all good, or evil." -Dexter (TV series)
    
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? As of right now my job is babysitting, and I love the kids I watch, so no.
    
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I don't mean to sound lazy, but I would rather have less work to do. That way I can spend my time with my family or finding new things I love.
    
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Not a hundred, maybe 98... I have gotten stuck in a boring routine.
    
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? The day I got married.
    
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? I would go back to NY, bringing Joey with me and get all my closest friends and family in one house and just enjoy our time together.
    
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Not at all, I have no desire to be famous, and Joe already thinks I'm attractive so what more do I need.
    
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Having a motive to go after your dreams. And happiness.
    
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Just do whats right and will make you happy.
    
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Some mistakes aren't easy to accept. The lessons learned can be tough and unfair.
    
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Nothing, I don't let other people's thoughts control my actions now.
    
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? I never really thought about it, but now I'm listening haha.
    
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love photography! Someday I plan to buy a grand camera and take beautiful photos like this..
    
    
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? That's easy, no. I have terrible memory and I can hardly remember yesterday right now.
    
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I make my own choices, weather I have someone influencing me, in the end I make them myself.

So there it is, the 50 Questions that will free your mind. This really got me thinking, about all the things in life I cherish, all the goals and dream I have for  myself, and it reminded me to just be happy with who I am.